Attitudes of Yah: Encountering Doubt. A Cynthia Heald Study Part-1
As you may know from prior sermons I am a Cynthia Heald fan. Her books have helped me in many areas of my life. I feel as if The Lord God Almighty/Our Creator speaks through her. He questions me and makes me think, by asking questions I feel Any Father/Abba would ask.
So Abba said that I have to study why I doubt myself so much. It just so happens Abba had me order a book titled Becoming A Woman of Faith- by Cynthia Heald a few months ago. I had received it but didn't feel the need to read it our even look at it, so I put it in my drawer with my journals, Bible and other books.
After doing the 7 Seals sermons, I began to lose confidence. Those were rough for me delivering that message. I questioned:
Did I give enough information
Did I deliver the sermon how Abba wanted it?
Did I sound like every other dooms day preacher? because that was Not my intentions
Did I write the sermon in a way a reader can follow without me giving the sermon?
I had a few more things I doubted. This happened too when I did the Noah series.
Doubt is a thing everyone experiences, but has to over come, and that's hard when you have a history of abuse or traumatic experience. Self doubt becomes distrust in ourselves and becomes a hinderance in our lives. So then after realizing this, I began to realize I was making these sermons about how well I did....and taking my Eyes off of Our One True Creator. So when He pointed this out to me, I was told it was time to open Cynthia Heald's book and work on myself.
Psychology Defines Self Doubt As- iresearchnet.com
Self-doubt has been defined as uncertainty about one’s abilities, potential for success, or competence in performance situations. As self-doubt concerning personal abilities increases, global self-esteem tends to decrease because self-doubt presents the threat to global evaluations of oneself. Hence, self-doubt can lead to both self-handicapping (i.e., creating or claiming obstacles that reduce the probability of success while at the same time providing an excuse for failure) and overachievement (i.e., striving to perform beyond one’s capabilities) in order to protect the self from the implications of failure. As such, self-doubt is often studied in the context of performance.
Self-doubt includes thoughts and feelings such as wondering whether or not one has the ability to succeed at important activities, having thoughts that focus on the bad things that might occur, feeling unsure of one’s abilities more often than not, and experiencing greater emotional impact as a result of avoiding failure than achieving success. Among university students, self-doubt is negatively related to variables such as achievement motivation, self-esteem, and narcissism and positively related to variables such as self-handicapping, social anxiety, and “impostor” feelings in which success is perceived as undeserved.
Doubt Defined by the Dictionary
A mental state in which the mind remains suspended between two or more contradictory propositions- unable to be certain of any of them
On an Emotional Level: indecision between belief and Disbelief.
What Causes Doubt?
It may involve uncertainty, distrust, or lack of convention on certain facts, actions, motives, or decisions.
Doubt can result in delays or rejecting relevant action out of concern for mistakes or missed opportunities.
Doubt is opposed to belief, meaning Lack of Belief is what doubt is all about.
What is Belief?- Merriam Webster
: a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing
: something that is accepted, considered to be true, or held as an opinion : something believed
: conviction of the truth of some statement or the reality of some being or phenomenon especially when based on examination of evidence
So after learning I was placing my trust in myself and not Abba Yah, I was then asked to examine why I doubt.
What Causes My Self Doubt?
1. When Negative Memories enter my mind
I get tired and lose motivation
I question past choices that I have made (at all ages...depending on memory popping in my head)
2. When I Over think Things
I question how I responded in situations I no longer control
Then Rumination begins
3. Lack of A Stable Job
I make it to phone interviews and then No Call Backs
4. Questioning My Mothering Choices
How many times a week should I now call my adult children?
Do I wait for them to call me?
Am I giving my youngest enough attention since she has the house to herself and is enjoying it by doing her....
5. Having Too Much Time to Think
This is the problem because it snowed in Missouri, so I have had to much time to be in my head, thinking. I am an Aquarius woman... I do believe in the Signs ( another Sermon for Another Day) and I question Everything and when I start to get board, I begin to think about things I shouldn't.
These 5 reasons are a few examples of why I self doubt. I get triggered and after repetitively getting rejected from work offers... my doubt set it. This is where it's up to us to decide to give over to the doubt and feel depressed and awful or do we chose to get up and "keep on keepin on"
To be honest which is what I have to do, I gave in to doubt. February has always been the #1 reason I doubt, or get depressed or my reason to wallow in my sadness.
This year nobody remembered my birthday. Not my daughters, my family, nobody. Which was fine but my daughters Always remembered and that was odd. So then I began to question if this was how it will always be, drifting apart because they now have lives and are living them. In which I am so Happy!!! I am very proud of my daughters.
But do you see how it became about me again. So Abba Yah sat me down and began to work on me. While doing so He showed me some up coming sermons. For you see, my doubt was coming from me being afraid once again of not being good enough to deliver His Word to You.
As I was not good enough to have my birth remembered, I was beginning to doubt my worth to Yah. I was once again looking for validation through man and not Our Creator.
By Doubting myself, I was really Doubting HIM and HIS WILL. For I know I am Blessed to be His vessel and what He has to say come out when He says when I type or Speak according to His Directive. So I should Never Doubt, because Yah's Love cast out All Fear and He knows what He's doing.
In the next few parts we will talk about doubt in the Bible and how to over come it. This study is amazing and I pray it helps you as it has me.
To order Becoming A Woman of Faith- Cynthia Heald